Too Much Chicken Soup Can Make You Vomit

2004-07-23 at 3:04 p.m.

i said the next thing I posted would be a story. I lied.

I, in fact, have no stories done enough to post. Its so sad. I found all sorts of stuff on my computer that are almost stories, but none of them are actually done. So no posting. I discovered long ago that I can edit a story after people read it, but if people read the story before I'm done I can never seem to pick it back up again. Even though I know this from time to time I still end up forgetting a losing a perfectly fine story idea because of it.

The deli wanted to keep me. I had a heart to heart with my manager and explained that even though I enjoyed working there, the company had shown through the lack of paying me correctly in four of four times that they did not respect me as an employee. She was pretty pissed. After talking to her, I went over to the info counter to pick up my paycheck (we get paid thursdays... today was friday.) They told me none of the paychecks were in yet. Oh. Also, this is the second time they paychecks have been late in my 5 weeks of working there. In my four years at the bookstore, our paychecks were late once. Since they come out of New York by air, our paychecks were two days late the week of Sept. 11. I'm glad the Deli confirmed that I'm right to quit.

I signed up for classes. and paid. With my credit card. Mmm. Lots of interest paying for me. On the plus side, I found a textbook that would be 130 new. (or 90 used in store) online for 30 (with shipping) NEW. Muhaha. if only I can find my business law book for the same price.

LOOK! I found a finished story. If you're offended by this.... you lost the whole point and that's sad.

Too much chicken soup can make you vomit

As a bookstore employee, I would have to be totally blind to miss some trends that go around in books. Of course, Oprah�s book club was one big trend for seeing how many books about women reflecting on their lives when they were raped as young children you could fit on one shelf. However one that constantly irritates me is Chicken Soup. These, for those of you who have been lucky enough to avoid them, are books full of short personal accounts that have been gathered together and vaguely discuss the same topic. If you�ve missed these canned stories, please check out your local bookstore. You can start with Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul (Books 1 through 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999) read the dozens for teens, preteens, toddlers, and prenatal babies; Mommies, daddies, any sort of relation possible, I think it even includes those born of incest. My favorite, however, is the one, most recently released, for prisoners. This book just cries �Yes, anally rape me for being a sissy whose mommy sends Christian books for me to understand my life in prison.� Like being there wouldn�t be enough of a desirable experience for those incarcerated.

However, I must compliment these books for their accuracy in titling. They�re just like Campbell�s. A little fat floating on the top of shriveled cold noodles contained in a preserving liquid that looks like urine. These books, like the soup they are so aptly named after, are greatly improved when stuck over fire and thrown in a pot of water.

Of course, the initial reason these books were invented was to affirm to the rest of the world that Christians have no need to welcome those of outside religion. Typically I would say the complete ignoring of the majority of the world�s population simply through religious preference could do nothing but hinder a book's sales. Remarkably, Blackened and Soggy Chicken seems to be doing quite well. At least, until you go to a Book Exchange and notice the small castle built out of unwanted Chicken Soups. This is because they focused on a group that innocent me did not believe existed. The group that believes if you aren�t Christian, you are an inferior being. These books augment that entire belief. And those who enjoy the books buy them for family, friends, and their children, a greater tradgy than simply them being published. They then use this outside liturature (besides the bible) to tell their children everyone but them is wrong. Which forms moderately normal children into irritating evangelist whom do their best to bring their friends over to their ideas. And I bet you liked chicken soup!

Now, I�ll admit there are some good qualities to Chicken Soup. Not only do they only need a 2nd grade reading level to understand, but also they�re great chew toys for pets! Nothing is quite as tasty to a labrador retriever then people giving god the credit for everyday occurances. Every time you find your car keys in the morning, god is smiling at you! If this were true, I�d still be stuck at home, along with the majority of the world�s population who IS NOT CHRISTIAN.

So, just to clarify the point if I wasn�t clear enough, I think Chicken Soup for the Soul should be canned.

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