I'm a total jerk today.

2004-10-18 at 6:50 p.m.

I�m such a bastard. I spent all day lying to people. Yes. You read that right. I lied. All day. Mondays are simply full of people who have free time, and therefore, give retail people a hard time. The first customer if the day decided to give me way too much personal information.
�Hi, I�m looking for books on IBS, that�d irritable bowel syndrome, and my doctor told me that this title was the best, but it took him two visits to figure out what was wrong with me so I don�t know. I�m going to see him again next week so I might ask him again and�. �
Well. I do not believe I need to continue with the rest of what he had to say for you to get the picture, but it progressed to �So.. working hard or hardly working?� Ugh. Working hard at not yelling at you�(no, I didn�t say that. I like getting paychecks)
�What time do you get off work? Cause you look tired.�
By the way, never ask a retail person this. No one wants to know if they look tired. And they don�t like to share information about themselves, either. I was honest there. �2:30�
�Wow. You�re almost done with your day. That�s pretty awesome. Got big plans?� I couldn�t help it. I know. I said already I�m a bastard. I looked him straight in the eye and said, �I have to go to the doctor about this personal infection I�ve been having.� He ran away. Hahah.
Then I had an interrupt whatever you�re saying to interject guy after that. On the phone. I did my phone spiel and I get to the end and only get as far as �How may I h�� when he interjects �Yeah. I�m looking for a book by b-o-y-l-e first name d-a-n. (Spelled out) and its about texasrealestateexamwithquestionsinit. Do you have it?
Me: �Let me get to a comp-�
Him: �So does the computer say you have it?�
Me: �I�m checking.� And I hit the hold button. I like the hold button. Not only does it hasten the quickness of my walking, because I don�t have a phone to my ear at the same time, but it fills the ear of he who waits with cheery music and hopefully has an enchanting and sedative effect on them. Very sedative. Today? No such luck.
Me: Thanks for holding, it looks like we do have that, let me check in t--.�
Him: Great. What�s your name again.� (I say my name at the beginning of my spiel. Between thanks for calling and how can I help you. )
Me: Allison
Him: Great, Allison. Do you have the book now, Allison?�
Me: Yes.
Him: Okay, Allison. What I need you to do, Allison, is look in it and make sure it has practice questions and answers in it.
Me: Certainly. (Looking at book.)
Him: Does it?
Me: (Still looking at book.)
Him: Hello? Allison?
Me: Hold on one moment, I�m checking right now.
Him: Oh. Okay. Thanks Allison.
(By the way, retailers are not impressed by over uses of our names. Especially when we tell you what our name is. If I ever wanted to be malicious, I would simply lie. Not that I have every lied about my name at work. I fear no bad comments because I�m very pleasant. Of course, if either of my customers I�m complaining about today see this, I�m asking now for someone to throw me a paddle because I�m up the creek.)
Me: Yes. It has four practice exams and the questions. Did you want me to hold it for you?
Him: No. Why don�t you deliver it?
Me: You want us to mail it to your home?
Him: No. Why don�t you drive over here and give it to me. And bring me lunch, too. (laugh)
Me: Oh. Sorry, I can�t do that.
Him: Why not?
Me: I don�t have a car.
Him: (appalled beyond belief) You don�t have a car?! What do you when the weather gets bad?
Me: My roomie has a car.
Him: Isn�t it a hassle?
Me: Not really. Its fine.
Him: Well. You want to buy my 2002 Explorer? Only 35 thousand. I need a new car.
(I swear he said this. I�m not kidding.)
Me: Uh. No. Thanks. I�d rather have a house then a car.

Now. As you can tell. I�m a complete and total liar. I guess I didn�t have enough caffeine. I do have a car. But.. damn. 35k?!?! He certainly put it in perspective for me.
I also spent half my day flashing people before a coworker told me my fly was unzipped. Thanks guys. Thanks.

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