My life is going down the Loo

2005-05-03 at 11:21 p.m.

Someone has listed me as a favorite! Isn't that amazing? Some likes me. Honestly, I'm shocked. this is the one she liked.

In direct resistance of writing my paper. (one paper to go! its almost done! I can't write anymore or I'll throw up from being sick of it!) I have been watching a great deal of british television. Namely the brand new Doctor Who. And... the insaneity continues.. my friend Irish and Joe BOTH like them. This, by the way, is unheard of. This is what tells you when there is a good show. Two problems, though. They're not in the US, but if someone is unattainable and you plan to buy it as soon as its available, its not illegal downloading, right? Second.. I've watched them so much and listened to NPR at just the right time to hear BBC World broadcasts that I'm now thinking with a British accent. Yes. Right now.

So, to anyone reading this, go back to the top and read it with a British accent. All the way through. That's how I'm thinking of it.

I'm listening to American radio right now in an attempt to go back to normal. I can't get away with speaking with a British accent while at work tomorrow.

As you might know, I've been unhappy at my job for a really long time. I've wanted, badly, to move on to something else, but there are many complex factors in the way.

Right now I'm exhausted. I've been working and taking school full time for 4 semesters(that would be 12 hours). To graduate with the degree plan I'm doing, I _should_ be taking 16-17 hours a semester, to do it in two years. In addition, last summer I worked a summer job as well as working full time at the bookstore. I learned a lot from that summer job, and I'm glad I did it, but I haven't had any real time off for at least two years. I so badly want to be done with school... I'm considering taking a summer class. And when I say A (as in ONE) summer class.. its over a 5.5 week period, or 6 hours of classtime a week for one class. I also need to start planning my wedding very soon. What I'm saying is that I'm not going to have any time off until at least summer of 2006. And during this time I've been trying so hard to move up in my company... I switched from a store that was like a second home to me, where I honestly felt loved by my coworkers, to a different store that had a better chance of letting me move up in the world.

A week ago we celebrated getting a new lead (this is the level I'm at) who had been a manager at another store in another state orginally. "Its so great to have someone with your experience here ready to move into a management postion as soon as it's open." Directly from the mouth of the store manager.

I feel that I've been aggressively chasing a dream for three years that will never come true. So many people who I competed towards this goal with/worked with/tried to better myself with have given up. And now... is it my turn to give up? Should I abandon three years of my life as a lost cause? Should I give up? Should I move on to something else? I've cried over this job in frustration, I've done my best, MY BEST to be the best at it. (and I am... as much as I'm able, I'm the best at it.) After all that. After the three rejections I've gotten before while trying to move up. (They're all the same. You're very good, but they have past experience.) Should I stop? Should I move on to something else? Should I abandon what I used to love doing because I've reached a plateau?

I understand people do get to a point when they no longer can move up in their careers. But when I'm 21, that is not the place to be. I just feel so trapped.

Anyway. So far, I've got all As in my classes (one to go). After this semester I will have a Certificate of Leadership.

Too bad I have no way to use it.

last & next

1 comments so far

newest archives profile notes image design host